MBTI Series: ISFP & work relationships

Building Strong Relationships
There is a book that I suggest to many people when they have relationship problems, and it doesn't matter if it's work or personal relationship problems this book will help. Check out The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He's actually written a number of variations on his original book to tailor the messages with different groups, one being in the workplace. One of Chapman's follow up books, The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, is geared towards expressing appreciation towards your coworkers/staff in a way that is meaningful to them, which in turn builds relationships, understanding, and overall increases workplace satisfaction.

Chapman teams up with Dr. Paul White in the workplace edition to discuss appropriate ways to express the five languages, which are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, tangible gifts, and physical touch. I'm sure you've just cringed a little with that last one, but below you'll find some suggestions on how this communication theory can work well even in the workplace. The key message to remember when successfully implementing this method of communication, with anyone, is to know what his/her preferred language of appreciation is and then finding appropriate ways to show this appreciation towards him/her.

5 Languages of Appreciation
It can be hard to determine how others want to be treated, especially if you don't know the person very well. Some people have just asked their coworkers a simple question like, "What's something I/the office could do to show our appreciation for you and your hard work?" You could also try identifying with their current stress level first like, "I've noticed you've been working very hard on that project and I know I would feel overwhelmed with it. Is there anything I can do to help you?" You can also make some suggestions like bringing them coffee or assisting with a small portion of the project.  This can help you determine if they appreciate tangible gifts or acts of service. Once you've determined their preferred language here are a few options to demonstrate your appreciation to them:

1. Words of Affirmation - write a small note and leave it on their computer; submit kudos to HR on someone's behalf, if the company has a "Good Samaritan" type program; acknowledge his/her hard word at the end of a staff meeting or when that project comes up in the itinerary
2. Quality Time - offer your coworker an open door if they ever need to talk; go to lunch with him/her and make sure you spend time talking about his/her concerns and not yourself; remember why people go on vacation or have special events and take 5-10 minutes to talk with him/her about what's been happening
3. Acts of Service - offer to help him/her with their project; if you know it's his/her responsibility to do something on a regular basis and you see it's not getting done offer to do that for them
4. Tangible Gifts - bring in homemade cookies for the whole office, but reserve a couple for the coworker who values tangible gifts and deliver it personally; offer to buy him/her lunch; find out what their favorite mid-afternoon snack is and bring it for them on occasion
5. Physical Touch - high-fives, handshakes, pat on the back, and fist bumps are all appropriate ways to demonstrate appreciation through physical touch at work. Just make sure you use them in a way that makes sense to the other person, because if he/she doesn't know why you're giving them a high-five then the appreciation message has been lost.

INTROVERTED-SENSING-FEELING-PERCEIVING (ISFP)
After giving you a fair background on The 5 Love Languages it's time to talk more about ISFPs and why I'm suggesting they consider their current work relationships and how they work.  Everyone, can benefit from Chapman's theory of communication but as I was reviewing ISFPs and reading about their strengths and weaknesses I thought that his book was very relevant.

ISFPs have some amazing strengths when it comes to personal relationships, like being a very trusting and flexible individual with others.  They are very cooperative, loyal, and focused on needs of others which leads them to being great friends and very insightful when it comes to relationships. ISFPs are very perceptive of others' and their own emotional needs and feelings and shows their commitment to others through their actions. They definitely live by the motto that actions speak louder than words.

There are weaknesses, of course, as with everyone, and often these weaknesses are actually when ISFPs allow their strengths of perception to take advantage of others. Because ISFPs are so aware of others' emotions and what is important to individuals sometimes it can lead to manipulation in a relationship. While they may not see it as manipulation, others might. Also, since Feeling is as strong component of ISFPs, conflict management is not a strength. When you combine the Feeling with Perceiving it can be a recipe for poor or lack of decision making, too. The 5 Love Languages discusses the importance of understanding other people's communication preferences which can be very helpful with conflict management and decision making.


Some suggestions for ISFP personalities

• Reflect on alternative ways to make decisions and even find out how others process decision making
• Use The 5 Love Languages to understand the others in your workplace and use that knowledge as a means to help resolve conflict in the office
• Continue to offer support and understanding as many appreciate it
• As you develop your decision making skills, be sure to share your reasons for the decisions with all parties involved
• Stop trying to persuade solely through relationships

For more information about MBTI there are great resources at your local library, or CLICK HERE to review the other MBTI entries from our blog. Some information in this blog was inspired by and drawn from Introduction to Type and Emotional Intelligence by Roger R. Pearman.

MBTI Series: ISTJ & Interpersonal Skills

Today we're going to discuss an often misunderstood type, ISTJ.  From the outside they may seem like a very distant and cold person who has no interest in connecting with people and a lot of times when they do it seems that they're mean.  Well, this person is not inherently mean, but rather someone who is more of a minimalist.  He/She only speaks when needed and usually they need to speak because they need something that someone else is/was supposed to provide.  ISTJs can seem very short and to-the-point with everyone, and while this may be acceptable in some environments not everyone understands where they're coming from.  So, let's talk more about this mysterious type, dispel some biases, and of course provide suggestions for ISTJs to build on their emotional intelligence.


INTROVERSION-SENSING-THINKING-JUDGING (ISTJ)
If you're an ISTJ you may hear yourself thinking, or saying something like "it's just easier if I do it myself" especially when it comes to delegating to someone who is perceived as less competent as you.  You have a tendency to insist on consistency, meaning everything that is done needs to be done at the same level and in the same way as before and preferably the way you do them.  You have high expectations for yourself and you have the same for everyone else.  Because of this, and the fact that ISTJs work in a very focused, calm, and task-oriented manner, they can often be seen as impersonal and blunt.  We might have a valid argument with blunt, because of the need to be task-oriented and get the information they need in the least amount of discussion as possible.  But, impersonal they are not!


ISTJs tend to be seen as impersonal because most people don't understand how a group of people can sit around each other, not make eye-contact, or even talk to each other and yet still be enjoying their company. To the outsider that just looks like multiple beings tolerating each other in their space rather than spending time together.  ISTJs would disagree and argue that they don't need to be engaged with another human being to feel their closeness and care for each other.  So in light of these miss-perceptions I'm going to provide a few suggestions for ISTJs and ask everyone else to remember this post and not jump to conclusions just because someone seemed blunt.  Bluntness can be confused with rudeness, but it's more about getting the information quickly whereas rudeness contains a lack of caring for the other individuals involved.  It's hard to decipher the difference without asking, so don't be afraid of communication with ISTJs because they actually value accuracy and prefer people clearing the air than jumping to conclusions.


Some suggestions for ISTJ personalities:

1. Your strength is in the details, so keep your attention to details high because what others miss you'll catch which is a great asset to organizations.
2. Start listening more empathetically and showing personal interest in others. Empathy isn't about sympathy, but rather being able to put yourself in the other person's position and understand where they're coming from and why they might be upset, happy, etc.
3. Start considering the big-picture and contextual issues like what's most important in the long run or if the decision that you're suggesting is made then what would be the implications for all involved.
4. Reduce the amount of insisting on consistency with things and remember to consider the big picture.
5. Try not to ignore other people's emotional reactions as being moody, but rather inquire about their reaction to better understand them and hopefully come to a resolution.

For more information about MBTI there are great resources at your local library, or CLICK HERE to review the other MBTI entries from our blog.  Some information in this blog was inspired by and drawn from Introduction to Type and Emotional Intelligence by Roger R. Pearman.

MBTI Series: ENFJ & Helpfulness

Is there someone you know, whether it's personally or in your office, who is almost always chipper, willing to help, and has leadership qualities?  Sometimes I'm envious of their energy levels and how they can connect with almost everyone.  I'm an introvert, so natural extroverts always intrigue me and when you add in the helpfulness and leadership qualities... well, let's just say I'm infatuated.  Most often than not I just described an ENFJ in his/her prime.  Don't get me wrong, every MBTI type has both positives and negatives and we'll explore ENFJs' today.

EXTROVERSION-INTUITIVE-FEELING-JUDGING (ENFJ)
The "heart" of any MBTI type is the middle two letters, and in this case NF.  An intuitive-feeler is someone who can have high emotional intelligence and can easily show warmth, support, and is very inclusive of friends, co-workers, etc.  Because of this they are seen as natural leaders, but when taken too far can be to helpful.  Everyone enjoys a little help now and then, but no one likes to be seen as incompetent.  Some people take offense to helpfulness because as helpfulness turns into taking away people's job duties their purpose in the job is also taken away.

Leadership and support are great in the appropriate amounts and as long as your Emotional Intelligence is developed well enough then you can achieve just the right balance.  When we consider ENFJ as a whole we see that they like to make decisions, check things off their list, and tend to move to these conclusions rather quickly.  They can also have a tendency to internally draw connections between the problems that exist and possible solutions, which can leave others in the dark on their decision making.  Combine this with an overly "helpful" personality and they can easily been seen by others as a manager who doesn't trust anyone, but is very nice on the surface which can quickly lead to distrust among a team.  So while they can be natural leaders, as a healthy personality, every type has the potential for a negative perspective.

Some suggestions for ENFJ personalities:

1. Create methods to review and verify your details, and then share your internal process with your team while seeking honest feedback and possibly altering your decision based upon the team's suggestions
2. Continue to engage and link others into the group to encourage cohesiveness
3. Start setting clearer boundaries and asking for specific actions of people instead of "helping" too often
4. Stop putting of important tasks in favor of meeting people needs.  Sometimes you have to make a hard decision even if not everyone in the group is satisfied with the end decision.

For more information about MBTI there are great resources at your local library, or CLICK HERE to review the other MBTI entries from our blog.  Some information in this blog was inspired by and drawn from Introduction to Type and Emotional Intelligence by Roger R. Pearman.

MBTI Series: ISTP & detachment

If I asked you to picture a beatnik how would you describe that person?  Wearing all black, a beret, and if it's a male a small goatee. Their personality is more of the example I want to focus on today as I think they can be a good general example for ISTP personalities.  ISTPs can be categorized as "Artisans" or a "Craftsman" and someone who's very willing to be a critic, observer, and analyzer of things and situations.  This can be a great skill in the right profession, but there are some things to be cautious of as an "Artisan" or a "Craftsman."

INTROVERSION-SENSING-THINKING-PERCEIVING (ISTP)
ISTP people have some amazing strengths with the ability to think critically, analyze each element separately, and hone a craft.  They are very confident individuals and can acknowledge personal strengths as an adaptation.  Many are high achievers as long as the goals have been clearly defined, and are able to initiate creativity to accomplish the goals.  They can be flexible, but the request to be flexible still needs to fall within their understanding of the situation, meaning they won't do something illogical.

Just like all types there are also potential for weakness.  If these strengths are taken too far, they run the risk of detachment from others and the feedback that different perspectives can provide.  Some may rely to heavily on what's been experienced instead of giving way to opportunities that may not have been tried yet and thus detaching themselves from other people's ideas.  Their communication style can often be seen as detached, aloof, or cool as they tend to be fast-paced and action oriented instead of slowing down to engage in conversation with all those involved.

Some suggestions for ISTP personalities:

1. Continue to explore the analytical elements of situation
2. Continue getting to the core practical issues
3. Start encouraging others' analysis, not just your own
4. Start demonstrating interest in new ways of seeing things
5. Stop taking a detached view as the initial response in interpersonal situations
6. Stop ignoring context and big picture issues

FAMOUS ISTPs - gathered from mypersonality.info
Below is a list of real and fictional characters who have been theorized to be ISTP personalities.  Note each one and the common theme which can be drawn among them.  All are seen as experts in their field, intense individuals (which could also be seen as quirky), and very passionate about their "craft."

Real ISTP People                                                                Fictional ISTPs (Characters)

Alan Shepherd - astronaut                                       Blondie - The Good, the Bad and the Ugly 

Bruce Lee - martial artist, actor                                                             Boba Fett - Star Wars 

Burt Reynolds - actor                                                                                           Brett - Alien 

Charles Bronson - actor                                                              Butch Coolidge - Pulp Fiction 

Clint Eastwood - actor and director                                                 Elvira Hancock - Scarface 

Frank Zappa - guitarist                                                                           Han Solo - Star Wars 

James Dean - actor                                                                  John Milner - American Graffiti 

John Malkovich - actor                                               Maggie Fitzgerald - Million Dollar Baby 

Katharine Hepburn - actress                                                              Verna - Miller's Crossing 

Keith Richards - English guitarist/singer 

Michael Jordan - athlete (basketball, baseball) 

Tom Cruise - actor 

Zachary Taylor - American President 

For more information about MBTI there are great resources at your local library, or CLICK HERE to review the other MBTI entries from our blog.  Some information in this blog was inspired by and drawn from Introduction to Type and Emotional Intelligence by Roger R. Pearman.

MBTI Series: ESFP & conflict management

In continuation of the MBTI posts I'm going to focus on one aspect about each personality related to Emotional Intelligence.  Remember that the MBTI is not about pointing fingers, but about acknowledging your own personal strengths and weaknesses and how those fit with the other 15 types.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
There are 5 types of people when it comes to conflict management: Competitors, Collaborators, Compromisers, Avoiders, and Accommodators.

Competitors tend to fight for their side of the argument and have a strong desire to be right.  You'll find more males in this category than females.

Collaborators lean towards understanding the other point of view and desires to work together and come up with a decision/course of action which is mutually agreed upon by all.

Compromisers want to meet in the middle.  This way nobody gives up their side of the argument but a decision is made that will satisfy all parties through a logically determined method.  You'll find more people who identify on the thinking scale in this category.

Avoiders don't want a conflict to even occur.  In fact if we gave this category a mantra it would be "Can't we just all get along?"  They severely dislike conflict and would much rather avoid the topic than have to deal with the problem.  You'll find more people identifying as feelers in this category.

Accommodators also seek and strive for harmony when there is conflict.  They would much rather give into what the other person wants just so a sense of harmony can exist.  Usually they are not attached to any decision, but value peace more.  This is typically an alternative for Avoiders, if they can't avoid the problem then they'll accommodate to the other party.

If you identified as a true Accommodator, meaning someone who chooses that solution first then  you might be an ESFP.  People who identify as an ESFP have many wonderful qualities, but typically their largest weakness is conflict management.  Is conflict confusing to you?  Do you honestly not care what decision is made because most of the time the conflict isn't that big of a deal?  Do you seek harmony in any situation and will do whatever it takes to achieve it?

EXTROVERTED-SENSING-FEELING-PERCEIVING (ESFP)
ESFP people have some amazing strengths like teamwork and support of a team, energy and lively personality, and many people enjoy being around them.  They are great with motivation because they'll find what matters to each individual and others are energized by them because of the common ground that's found.  Their strongest strength is around relationship building because of their ability to make connections with people and build rapport, plus their view on finding solutions which serve and satisfy everyone.

If you think you may identify as an ESFP then you'll want to heed these suggestions for overall development and challenge:

1. Continue to be supportive and encouraging to others
2. Continue networking with others
3. Begin focusing more on the long-term outcomes instead of pleasing each individual 
4. Begin attending to big-picture possibilities instead of focusing on the components and getting caught up in the details of each activity/program/event
5. Stop equating harmony with the idea of the "best solution" in a situation
6. Stop avoiding conflict, and try out a different mode of conflict management like collaboration or compromising

For more information about MBTI there are great resources at your local library, or CLICK HERE to review the other MBTI entries from our blog.  Some information in this blog was inspired by and drawn from Introduction to Type and Emotional Intelligence by Roger R. Pearman.

MBTI Series: INTJ & work-life balance

My apologies for such a long break in writing about MBTI Types.  Maybe you can deduce what type I might be due to my extremely long silence period. ;-)  In continuation of the MBTI posts I'm going to focus on one aspect about each personality, which I think is a way to define that type.  Remember that the MBTI is not about pointing fingers, but about acknowledging your own personal strengths and weaknesses and how those fit with the other 15 types.

INTJ
One thing that INTJs may struggle with is work-life balance.  This is actually a very common problem for many counselors and others in a helping profession because we all want to change the world and "save" everyone.  It can be even more difficult when you add in a perfectionistic personality, too.

One quality of INTJs is the focus on idealism.  This mainly stems from the NT combination in the personality.  You might hear yourself saying or thinking things like, "But it SHOULD be this way!"  INTJs tend to get so rapped up in what things should be that they forget about the positives of what things are.  Now, don't get me wrong I still see value in idealism, but I also think if we can harness it into action, instead of just complaining, that so many good things could result from their idealism.

MBTI Disclaimer
Remember that MBTI celebrates diversity and even if you don't think you're an INTJ, you may still identify with this quality of idealism.

Work-Life Balance

Here is a sample wheel of life with categories which all play a part in work-life balance.  Note that they're divided equally, but in actuality everyone's wheel will look differently. See an example at http://www.dilw.ie/the-wheel-of-life-could-you-be-happier/. The sections included on this wheel are merely suggestions and I want you to note that every section proposed may not relate to you.  I do like how they've sectioned it out into multiple categories, unlike other graphs you may only see broad categories, like leisure which could encompass multiple sections.  Check out this work-life balance calculator from the CNN website which you can tally what your average week looks like.

Put it into Action

Now, here is my concern for INTJs and work-life balance... Due to the idealism factor and also many INTJs thrive to be experts in what they do, they will over commit themselves to different tasks at work, volunteer activities, and other responsibilities.  This over commitment can lead to an unbalance because of their desire to be perfect and be the expert in everything they do, thus creating an even bigger unbalance in their life.

My suggestion for INTJs is to reduce the number of activities in your life and be experts in those, while allowing others to be experts in other fields.  I know it's tempting to overhear someone talking about what they've done and not want to break into "anything you can do I can do better," but please for your health and happiness and challenge you to refrain.

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator: Some insights

I love the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)!  The more I learn about it the more excited I am to share the information with students and professionals.  It can be a real benefit for you to know your "type" when working with people because it provides an insight that helps you to also understand others.  I plan to give our readers some insights into the MBTI for the next few blogs I post, but I would recommend reading more about the MBTI or talking to a career counselor to take the assessment.  Public libraries have many books on MBTI and can give you some more in-depth background information which I don't have space for in a blog.  You can also check out the MBTI website at www.myersbriggs.org.

SIXTEEN DIFFERENT TYPES
As you learn about the 16 different types you'll typically identify with one specific type more than others, this is called your true-type.  You can also determine your assessed-type by taking an MBTI assessment.  Even when someone has taken the MBTI I still discuss what they think their true-type is before disclosing their assessed-type.  The reason for this is that sometimes the true- and assessed-types are different due to stress in the person's life or if they were thinking of a specific environment for the different scenarios.  All scenarios should be considered as preferences, meaning environment and other people aside what would you prefer to do or what is most comfortable for you.

Below is a table with the 16 different types, which I found at the Myers-Briggs website.  You'll notice they only use 8 different letters, but rearrange them into the 16 different types.  Each type has it's own unique characteristics and each person that identifies as a certain type is different from the next.

ISTJ	ISFJ	INFJ	INTJ
ISTP	ISFP	INFP	INTP
ESTP	ESFP	ENFP	ENTP
ESTJ	ESFJ	ENFJ	ENTJ

Here is some technical information, so hold onto your seats... the MBTI was developed with Carl Jung's theory and his 4 different "dichotomies" or basic preferences.  These 4 basic preferences are split into two opposite preferences.  Each type has one opposite preference from each of the 4 basic preferences.  Here's how it breaks down:

Introversion (I) vs. Extroversion (E) - These opposite preferences coordinate with the basic preference of "Favorite World."  I also explain this basic preference as where you prefer to get your energy.  Do you re-energize by being alone or do you get your energy from those around you?  This preference seems to be the most well known, and the most misunderstood.  Remember that Introverts are not always wall-flowers and Extroverts are not always the party-animals.  Actually each preference can act like the other when the situation arises, just ask yourself... After a long day and you need to re-energize would you rather call friends and arrange a dinner/game night (E), or go home and do your own thing (I)?

Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N) - These opposite preferences coordinate with the basic preference of "Information."  I like to think of how you prefer to gather information, or your preferred learning style.  When learning something new (gathering information) do you need to experience it will all your 5 senses, or prefer minimal information and then draw inferences related to that information and your personal knowledge?  This preference can be the hardest to understand because of how abstract the concept is.  One give-away for Intuitives is that they always seem to have a story for everything.  This is because they're relating to the topic at hand to what they already know and sharing stories helps them to understand the topic better.  To help you understand which preference might be yours, ask yourself... When your boss or instructor is giving you a new task or assignment would you rather they provide you with all the details up-front (and then you typically will still have questions) (S), or be given just the basics and you'll figure it out on your own (N)?

Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F) - These opposite preferences coordinate with the basic preference of "Decisions."  This preference is also often misunderstood as some people think that Thinkers don't feel and Feelers don't think.  It's not about how kind you are, but about how you make decisions when a situation presents itself.  Thinkers tend to focus on the data of the situation first and then considers how others will be affected by the decision.  Feelers tend to focus on everyone's feelings and values first to make the decision and then considers the facts.  To help you understand which preference might be yours, consider this scenario... You're the boss and have been monitoring a certain employee's progress for weeks.  You know you have to fire the person because they haven't improved even after all the meetings & work you've done with them.  How do you feel about this? ...Comfortable and ready to handle confrontation (T) or less comfortable and wanting to get more information about the employee's situation; maybe there's something going on with his/her life that's causing the poor performance (F).

Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P) - These opposite preferences coordinate with the basic preference of "Structure."  I like to think of how you organize your environments either at home or at work.  When you're organizing your life do you prefer things to be "in their place" and organized, or does that not matter to you?  Do you value making decisions and sticking to those, or can making decisions too early stress you out because you want to remain open for new opportunities.  Remember when choosing one preference over the other, choose the one that you are most of the time and will feel most comfortable with the majority of people.  To help you understand which preference might be yours, consider this scenario... When you're getting ready to go on a trip do you prefer to have everything planned out so you know what's going to be happening when and you feel a sense of control (J)?  Or, do you prefer to "fly by the seat of your pants" and enjoy any last minute adventures that may come your way (P)?


STAY TUNED...
Now that you have a brief notion of what the different types are all about stay tuned for more insights into the specific types.  I'll be posting more about each of the 16 types throughout the year.  You'll read about funny stories, facts, and things to consider to help improve yourself and the way you interact with others.